haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
