Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize