I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
