i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
