Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
