someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
