is your mom at the bar?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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