At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
