who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
