Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
