if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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