oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
