cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
