as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
