Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Houston, we have a blender
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
