If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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