thus making me awesome and them whores
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
