I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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