I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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