that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
