I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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