I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Vodka?
Forever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize