umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What changed your mind?
Being sober
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
