who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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