you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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