the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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