I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
