one might say we're banned from that church
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
