one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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