imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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