Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
