Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize