Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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