I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
