If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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