I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
