i don't like sucking hair
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
