gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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