she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
