Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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