Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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