i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
