i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
