My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
