We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize