His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
