The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
honey bunches of taint.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
