I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
even my farts smell like vagina
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
