Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
