i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
