Me too!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
