whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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