Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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