i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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