last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
