where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
