we're chasing vodka with high fives
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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