I wanna bring you to show and tell
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize