at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
false alarm, still single
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
