No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
