girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
