Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
