We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
