I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize