All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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