hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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