i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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