This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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