Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We talked him into tasing himself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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