she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
