Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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