Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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