Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
