she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
