Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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