What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So here I am, sexting at work.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
