I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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