I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize