Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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