dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
