so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
