it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
