Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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