party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
