someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just cropdusted the office
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
