Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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