Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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