did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
