that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
