Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
