Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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