But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
