Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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