I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
