I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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