Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
