Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
