if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
