The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
