no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
