who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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