you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
