Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
