totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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