pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
