Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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