Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
