i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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