could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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