Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
