I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
