She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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