Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
