just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Green mimosas i think yes
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
