Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
