i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
