I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
