D3 body, D1 cock
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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