I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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