PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
